


I Think I Cracked It

by MaxTheHeater



Category: The Last of Us
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fluff, For funsies, Funny, Gen, its a big joke, read at your own risk you may laugh to death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-22
Updated: 2019-06-25
Packaged: 2020-01-23 18:05:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18554989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaxTheHeater/pseuds/MaxTheHeater
Summary: Just a compilation of crack/one shots/ random tlou things i write.probably wont be good, but it's fun writing them.basically just all your faves doing stupid shiz and having laughs. Maybe some more serious stuff too.It's funny I swear.





	1. Toothpaste and Clean Socks

**Author's Note:**

> Some context for those who might care:
> 
> I wrote this on Easter, and I thought of it while I was at my family dinner eating a potato and thinkin about the last of us (as usual) when I wondered what easter would be like post apocalypse. For some reason (I blame the absurd amount of candy I ate in the past 12 hours) I decided to make it a crack.
> 
> Anyway Happy Reading, Ya Morons!

Joel was sleeping peacefully, for once not even having dreams. He wasn't sure if he'd ever been this comfortable in his life, even before the outbreak.

Maybe he would take Tommy up in the offer of taking a day off this week. Starting now.

Just as he was starting to roll over to a more optimal lounge position on the bed, the door slammed open, a shrieking 14 year old followed by it, nearly causing him to fall out of the bed.

“Joel! You gotta wake the fuck up old man!” Ellie started dragging him out of bed.

Joel, who was already getting his gun and backpack ready, prepared for the worst and was only a little aggravated that he'd been woken up from his beauty sleep, lord knows he needs it.

“Jesus kid, where's the fire?” Joel asked (quite aware of the possibility of a fire, they'd been having raider attacks almost monthly now)

Ellie ( who was surprisingly out of breath for someone who he could have sworn was sleeping 10 minutes ago) grabbed his hand “no time to explain, c’mon!”

The older man was helplessly dragged out of their two story house—very glad that he'd been so tired the night before after his patrol that he hadn't even changed out of his clothes— was now being lead to the town hall.

“Ellie, what in god's name is wrong?” Joel asked, attempting to slow the younger girl down, if only a little.

Ellie shook her head and pulled him along faster “we're going to be late if you don't pick up the pace, grandpa!”

“I need to know whatever shit storm you're leading me into!” He insisted.

Ellie almost laughed, and she did stop, only for a second to check to see if Joel was serious.

“Oh my god.” She laughed, continuing to drag Joel along “you thought there was another raider attack?”

Joel nodded, thinking of any other possible reason for Ellie quite literally dragging him out of bed.

“Just wait and see” Ellie grinned as they approached the doorway to their makeshift headquarters.

Upon opening the door, his hand still on his gun, Joel's jaw almost dropped.

This was certainly the last thing he'd been expecting.

Maria and Tommy stood triumphantly in front of a large sign that read “HAPPY EASTER”, and they were handing a basket to some kids, Dina and Jesse. Joel knew them as the towns trouble makers, and he was almost glad that Ellie still hasn't adjusted to life in Jackson. He had no doubt she'd somehow end up mixed with those two.

Joel side-eyed Ellie.

“What?” The girl asked

“You woke me up. For this?”

Ellie at least had the decency to look bashful. “I didn't have a partner- and well, you are only person I really know around here… So I-I thought we'd be a good team.” She smiled nervously.

Joel almost forgot about his grumpiness from being woken up… Almost.

“Well, y’coulda at least told me where the hell you were taking me. I half expected a horde of infected.” Joel grumbled as he took a pink basket from Tommy, frowning when his little brother placed a pair of bunny ears on his head.

He swears Ellie almost busted a gut laughing.

“Fuck” she said in between giggles “I wish cameras were still a thing”

Maria grew a devilish grin, and Joel instantly knew he was in trouble when she asked Ellie, “ever heard of a Polaroid?” And promptly pulled one out of god knows where.

“No way” Ellie said in awe, and suddenly both her and Joel were blinded by the flash on the blue camera, Maria took the film and shook it out.

“Amazing blackmail material right here, now go get in the line up you two” she said as she put the picture and Polaroid back in her pockets.

….

In the line up, things were starting to buzz with excitement. There were 10 teams of two, each one not willing to lose. However, Joel was almost certain that no one wanted to win more than Ellie.

She kept whispering game plans to Joel, and then making new ones. Convinced that someone had eavesdropped and stolen her idea.

Tommy got up in the podium, a cafeteria table.

“Listen up folks!” Tommy yelled over the crowd.

“Those of you who have been in Jackson for a few years now already know the drill, but for those who are experiencing their first Easter here we'll repeat the rules.” He said, glancing at Ellie.

“First, no splitting up from your teammate.” He paused to let that sink in.

“Second, no hurting other teams.” A subtle glare was directed towards Jesse and Dina.

“Third, whoever collects the most potatoes— that are NOT dug out from the garden” another very obvious glare at Dina and Jesse “wins.”

Murmurs went through the crowd, Joel was still inwardly laughing a the fact that rather than using chocolate eggs, the residents of Jackson were using potatoes.

“Any questions?” Almost the second that the word left his mouth, Ellie spoke up.

“What do we win?”

Tommy grinned, almost menacingly (if tommy’s face could even do menacing)  
“why, Ellie. I'm glad you asked.” Pausing for dramatic affect, Joel was certain his brother would've been a great comedian before the outbreak.

“this year, the grand prize is…. A whole 2 pound chocolate bar.”

The crowd erupted into chatter instantly.

Joel couldn't even remember the last time that he'd tasted chocolate. ( In a post apocalyptic world, chocolate bars were ranked somewhere up there with toothpaste and clean socks in terms of rarity.) and he was surprised to find himself eager to win this little hunt.

On tommy’s count of three the groups were off, exploding into the compound in search for the painted potatoes.

…

To say that Ellie and Joel were a formidable team would be an understatement.

The pair seemed to move and think in synchrony, probably due to the bond they'd formed on the road to Jackson.

Ellie found a potato in the flower bed by Dean’s house. Joel found one under Richard’s deck. There were two by the kitchen. One in a broken down car.

By the lake, both Joel and Ellie as well as Jim and his son spotted the same potato.  
Jim would later have nightmares of a man wearing pink bunny ears and a little girl barrelling towards a yellow polka dotted potato.

It went on like this For almost 15 minutes.

By the end of the game, it was down to two teams. No one else had much more than ten potatoes in their baskets.

Jesse and Dina were currently tied with Joel and Ellie with an impressive 19 potatoes. Dina hadn't even cheated this time.

Both teams spent a good five minutes searching for the last potato.

Then Dina and Ellie spotted it at the same time.

Tommy— that bastard —had placed the last potato on a pole in the middle of the biggest pile of cow shit Ellie had ever seen. She vowed that she would punch the man later.

Dina and Ellie locked eyes for a millisecond. Then the two girls were off like a rocket, Leaving a bewildered Jesse and Joel staring after them.

Ellie's arms and legs pumped furiously on the dry ground, literally leaving a trail of dust behind her, from a few meters in front of her, she could see Dina was doing the same.

Both girls pushed the dial to 11, Ellie was pretty sure she'd pulled about a hundred muscles in her legs, but she wasn't about to let Dina win that chocolate.

Both girls dived forward in an attempt to avoid landing in the cow shit. Their hands locked onto the potato at the exact same time.

Ellie eyes widened slightly, before she realized that she was headed face first into a pile of shit, and she closed them tightly again.

Their bodies made a disgusting squelch sound as they landed in the manure. Both Dina and Ellie still had a hand on the potato, somehow managing to keep it out of harms (or would it be shits?) way.

Dina was the first to recover, wiping it from her eyes.

“Holy, shit!” She laughed at the unintended pun “you're one hell of a runner. I swear I had a whole ten meters on you.”

Ellie spat the disgusting taste from her mouth “well, I really wanted that chocolate.” She shrugged.

They both looked down at their hands, still wrapped around the potato.

“Guess that's a tie, huh?” Dina shook her head in disbelief.

Ellie nodded, still not letting go. she hadn't had chocolate since— well actually she couldn't even remember the last time she'd had chocolate.

“Rock, paper, scissors then?” Dina suggested.

“Alright”

Using their hands that weren't wrapped around the potato, Ellie did rock, and Dina did scissors.

“Ha! I win!” Ellie exclaimed.

Dina sighed, and released her hand from the potato, “I thought this was my year for sure.”

Ellie smiled, which only looked a little terrifying with a face full of cow shit.

“There's always next year” Ellie gave her another literal shit-eating grin as Jesse and Joel finally caught up to them.

“Did you get it?” Jesse asked immediately.

“Nope. Ellie here won fair and square.” Dina said, extracting herself from the disgusting mound.

Ellie only had time to hear Jesse grumbling about next year before she ran to Joel.

“Joel!” She yelled excitedly, almost jumping on him before he backed away from her. Remembering that she was in no shape to be hugging the man full force without being murdered for staining his favourite shirt, she stopped.

“We won!”

His hands up, almost looking ready to run away from her shit covered self if needed.

“We sure did, kiddo.” Absently, Ellie thought his face looked similar to the photo that Maria had shown her of him and Sarah at a soccer tournament.

Tommy strolled up, looking all too pleased with himself, but when he saw Dina and Ellie (stinking from head to toe) he did a double take.

“Well I'll be damned. I didn't think anyone would be crazy enough to get that last potato.” He shook his head, and Maria got the official count. 20 for team Joel and Ellie, and 19 for team Dina and Jesse.

He handed Joel the chocolate bar, obviously a little disappointed that he hadn't been able to trick everyone and get the bar for himself.

“Guess that’s it for Easter in Jackson 2034 everyone. Good game ladies and gents. Now back to business as usual! And you two-” he pointed at Dina and Ellie “for god's sake, wash up”

…

Later that night, at the town dinner of turkey and suspiciously coloured potatoes, if Joel saw Ellie giving half of her share of the chocolate to Dina.. Well, he didn't say anything.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. You're it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A game of tag in the woods gone wrong....oR iS iT??

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long for the update. It took me forever to figure out what I wanted to write and then I kept forgetting about writing. (Don't hurt me I was playing Days Gone).
> 
> Anyway, Happy reading ya morons!

The forest was a blur as the two girls weaved in between the huge trees. If you looked hard enough it would almost seem like they were running from something. But the laughter erupting from their mouths told a different story.

The younger red haired girl was almost gaining some ground on the brown haired one. A drop of sweat dripped off her brow from the effort. Wyoming did not have a merciful summer temperature, yet she was wearing a long sleeved shirt. Each step brought her closer to victory, and the heat didn't seem to bother her at the moment.

A slight movement from the corner of her eye caused her laughter to pause– she was still running, but she didn't look as carefree anymore.

Ellie's eyebrows tensed when she recognized the familiar clicking noises that originated from the movement she saw seconds before. Dina ahead of her was still running as fast as before, seemingly unaware to the danger that had presented itself.

Suddenly the Clicker shot from the bushes –and Ellie had never wished she had a gun with her more than right now– it was heading straight towards Dina.

“Dina! Watch out!” Ellie yelled, trying to at least give the older girl a chance to brace herself.

“Nice try, Stretch!” Dina ignored her “You'll never catch me!” 

Time seemed to slow down as Ellie watched her friend (still stubbornly oblivious to the clicker) get tackled painfully to the ground by the horrible thing.

Even though Ellie was already running as fast as she could, she poured on more speed and jumped on the clicker, effectively forcing it off of dina. Unfortunately, this caused both her and the clicker to go rolling down the slight hill they were currently on. 

When they stopped, Ellie was underneath the clicker, who was trying desperately to bite her. The stupid thing was only being held back by her right arm. Ellie could see her knife a few feet away –barely out of reach, just her luck.

Her left hand gripped something solid and with all the force she could muster she pummeled the clicker in the face with a rock until it stopped moving.

Ellie pushed the now very much dead clicker off of her and crawled over to her knife, picking it up and putting it back in her pocket. 

Dina came rushing down the hill, about fucking time, Ellie thought.

“Ellie!” Dina ran over to her, “are you okay? Did you get bit?” Ellie shook her head.

“Holy shit, El. Why didn't you tell me that was right behind me?”

Ellie rolled her eyes, as clever as Dina was, she was dumb as shit sometimes.

“Why the hell did you think I yelled ‘watch out’?”

Realization seemed to dawn on Dina's eyes, and she smiled sheepishly “I thought you were trying to slow me down.” 

Ellie dramatically placed a hand on Dina's shoulder “Dina, you know I would never trick you like that.” Sarcasm dripped from her words as she looked at the hand on her friends shoulder. “You're it, by the way.”

“You bitch!” 

Ellie scrambled away before Dina could get her back “no touch backs!” 

“I will not forget this betrayal of trust, Ellie Williams.” 

“That's a risk I'm willing to take.” 

The two girls glanced over the forest around them.

“Where's Jesse?” Dina asked.

“Dunno, I was busy chasing you. Last I saw him was at Chester's Rock.”

“He could be anywhere by now. Maybe we should start checking over there.”

“Sounds like a plan.” Ellie glanced at Dina's raised hand. “I'm not high fiving you. And I said no touch backs, so hands off lady.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
Meanwhile...  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jesse was jogging past the local hangout spot just outside the walls, known as Chester's Rock. He chuckled remembering how it got the name.

A couple of summers ago one of the boys his age named Chester, had been trying to impress some of the girls. Logan, Jesse and Chester had managed to convince Tommy to take some of them outside the walls. Chester claimed he could climb the whole rock in 10 seconds. Unfortunately for him, Dina took him up on that bet. She claimed she could do it in 8 and jump down unharmed.

With his pride in danger, Chester accepted her challenge. The poor guy only made it halfway to the top when he slipped and fell back down, breaking his arm in the process. Dina, who had scaled the rock in record time, jumped down and landed beside him, smirking as she offered to splint his arm for the way back.

After that, no one doubted Dina again.

Jesse caught a glimpse of Ellie darting in the opposite direction of him, she must have spotted Dina. Ellie briefly made eye contact with Jesse when she decided that Dina was a better target and continued running after the girl.

Jesse chose to go the opposite direction of his two friends, that way, when the inevitably teamed up against him he would at least have a head start. 

Suddenly, a bat came from seemingly out of nowhere, hitting Jesse right in the forehead.

“Ow.” He mumbled before passing out.

The two hunters looked at each other, shock obvious on their faces.

“Dude. You did not just do that.” The tall one said.

“I had to Damien! He was about to see us!” 

“We are so fucked.” 

They looked at Jesse's body ungraciously sprawled out on the forest floor.

“We can't just leave the kid here. What if the people from the dam don't find him?”

“Please tell me you aren't considering bringing him back to camp, Josh.” Damien started pacing.

“You're right, you're right. Bad idea. But we can't just leave him.” Josh repeated.

“We could leave him just outside the Dam's walls. We know where it is”

Josh nodded slowly “okay, that doesn't sound like a terrible Idea.”

The two of them grabbed Jesse by the arms and legs, and began dragging the boy off. A few times their arms would start to hurt and Jesse's head suffered a few blows from rocks that were sticking out from the ground.

“Goddamn this kid is heavy” Josh grunted. They could see the edge of the watchtower by now. Soon they would be able to drop off the kid at the edge of the forest and then go home.

Easy peasy. 

They were just starting to set him up against the tree when an arrow whizzed by their heads, and they both ducked instinctively. The whole forest seemed deadly silent for about 30 seconds.

“Back off, assholes” a girl's voice growled.

Josh and Damien gulped from behind the tree that they were hiding behind. This was not supposed to happen.

 

\----------------------------  
MeAnWHiLe… again  
\-----------------------------

 

Ellie and Dina had been walking around Chester's Rock, trying to figure out where Jesse went.

“I told you he wouldn't be here anymore, Ellie”

Ellie was currently looking at the leaves and sticks on the ground, it looked like they had been broken recently. This was right where she'd last seen Jesse when she was chasing after Dina.

“Well, we've got to be close. He's a pretty slow runner.” 

“Good point.” Dina kicked a rock absentmindedly “I'm hungry.”

“Hi hungry, I'm Ellie.” she replied.

Dina groaned and slapped Ellie shoulder “that's like, the worst joke there is. I'm pretty sure not even Joel would say that.”

“Well, to be fair Joel doesn't tend to joke in general..” Ellie trailed off, seeing the baseball bat. “Hey Dina, check this out.”

Dina looked to where Ellie was pointing. “Huh. That'll be useful.” she said as she picked up the bat.

“Yea, but look around it.” She pointed to a pair of footprints and what looked something being dragged between them.

“You don't think…” 

“Jesse? I mean, no way… but with our luck… yea it's definitely Jesse.”

“Shit.” Ellie sighed “guess that's what we get for leaving the 'safety of the walls that we take for granted.’” maybe one of these days she'd listen to Tommy or Joel. 

“Which way did they go?” Dina wondered.

“Well, based on the direction of the wind, the broken sticks over there and the slight disturbance in the dirt, I'd guess they went right.” 

“You could really figure it all out from that?” Dina actually looked impressed.

“No, you idiot. They're right over there. See?” She pointed.

Sure enough there was two hunters, dragging Jesse haphazardly towards the front gate. Ellie almost wanted to laugh when she noticed that they kept banging Jesse's head on the ground. That would leave one hell of a mark.

She held up a finger to Dina to tell her to be quiet, and slowly got her bow from off of her back, placing an arrow and aiming for the hunter that was dragging Jesse by the legs. She inhaled, waiting for the perfect moment to release the arrow right into the skull of the man about to hurt her friend.

As she was exhaling, and her finger released the string, Dina shoved her out of the way. And her arrow flew through the air and completely missed it's mark, alerting the enemies.

“What the fuck Dina?! I almost had him!” Ellie whisper/yelled at her friend.

“I don't think we need to kill them.” Dina whispered.

“What do you mean? They're hunters, of course we have to kill them.”

“Have you ever seen a hunter that dragged a body, towards a compound full of people?”

“I don't know Dina, some people are just really fucked up.”

“That's not what I meant, I don't think they want to hurt Jesse.”

Ellie raised an eyebrow “are you aware that he's currently unconscious with them right now?”

“Yes, and that's the key. Hunters kill first and think later. They haven't killed him yet.”

Ellie thought this over for a second. Dina had a point. Hunters rarely took hostages. Maybe they were friendly. She doubted it, but if Dina wanted to try and talk instead of fight… then maybe it was worth a shot. Ellie trusted Dina's instincts.

“Fine.” Ellie hissed “but if you get us all killed, I'll kill you.”

Stepping out from her cover and towards the last known place of the two hunters Ellie raised her bow (y'know, just in case.)

“Back off, assholes.” She growled.

The two men raised their hands from behind their cover.

“Please, don't shoot.” one of them said as they stood up.

“If you tell us why you're here we might take you up on that offer.” 

The hunters both looked at each other, (Ellie thought it was really strange that she wasn't being shot at yet) and seemed to make up their minds about something.

“We were on a supply run. We're from a little bit east of here.” 

“Okay.” Dina said “say we believe you, why do you have our friend unconscious with you?”

Josh glanced back a Jesse “we're sorry about that, really. He almost saw us and I just reacted, we didn't want him to raise the alarm around here… but I guess that didn't really help, huh?”

“I guess you could say that.”

“We don't want any trouble. Really, we'll leave you and your people alone, won't even tell our group about you. Just let us go, please.” 

Ellie looked doubtful, but Dina seemed to trust them. Besides, all they had to do was get Jesse back in Jackson and then the walls would protect them.

“Alright.” Ellie nodded. “Go. But don't let us catch you around here again. There's better hunting grounds down south.”

“Thank you,” Josh said. “But, uh.. could I have my bat back?” He asked.

Dina laughed. “I guess that's fair. You owe me one though.” She handed him the bat.

Damien shook hands with Ellie “you ever get in trouble with hunters round here, tell em you're friends of Josh and Damien. Maybe then they won't kill on sight. No promises though.” 

“That's reassuring.”

With that the two hunters took off, headed south. 

Ellie looked at Dina, who had a dangerous smirk plastered on her face.

“I'm not saying it.” Ellie stated.

“Oh come on El, I know you want to.”

“Nope. Not saying it.”

Dina came closer, wrapping her arms around Ellie's neck. (Ellie would never admit it but the action made her blush)

“Not even a thank you?”

The battle won with that final move, Ellie caved.

“Fine. You were right… happy?”

Dina hugged Ellie, who was now sporting a dorky grin “ah I love being the voice of reason.”

“I'm not sure that's what I'd call you”

Dina raised an eyebrow “oh? And what title would the great Ellie Williams bestow upon me?”

Before Ellie could proceed to make a fool out of herself, Jesse woke up.

“Why does it feel like someone is stomping on my skull?” 

Both girl's attention was brought back to the boy, clearly showing signs of a concussion. To be expected from the initial hit, not to mention dragging his head on the ground.

“Well Jess, I hate to break it to ya, but your face is just extremely punchable.” Ellie told him.

Jesse looked at Dina “she punched me? What did I do?”

Dina laughed “she didn't punch you, dork. Let's get you back to the compound, you're never gonna believe this.”

Dina offered a hand to help Jesse up, and he grabbed it. Ellie realize what Dina had done a second after.

Dina's smile spread from ear to ear as she dusted off Jesse’s back.

“Y'know Jess, I never pegged you to be someone who'd forget we were in the middle of a game of tag.”

“What do you mean? Ellie's over there, and she's it.”

“Jesse you sweet innocent summer child, who was Ellie chasing before you got knocked out?”

“Uh, you?”

“Yup.” Dina popped the ‘p’.

“I'd say that's a pretty bad concussion, he's slower than usual.” Ellie added in from a little distance away.

“Hey!” Jesse protested.

“Chill big guy, you did take a pretty nasty hit. Anyway, do you know which way Jackson is?”

Jesse looked at Dina like she'd suddenly turned infected.

“Obviously I know where Jackson is, I've been here since I was 9!”

“Good. Cause you're it.” And with that both Dina and Ellie took off in the direction of Jackson.

Jesse sighed and jogged after the pair muttering something about ‘damn cheaters’ and ‘one of these day I ought to.’


	3. There's Gonna be A Jailbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dangerous Duo gives Ellie a task that will certainly end in no good. Is Ellie up to it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen to Jailbreak by thin lizzy if you want to know where i got the inspiration from
> 
> Happy reading, Ya morons!

Ellie was sitting minding her own business at lunch when it happened.

 

Two bodies that were (annoyingly) still larger than hers, sandwiched her on the picnic table bench.

 

“Hey” said Dina from her right.

 

Jesse on Ellie's left simply stole a chunk of potato from Ellie's plate, making her glare daggers at him until he slowly put it back.

 

“What do you want?” Ellie asked them.

It was well known that the dangerous duo of Dina and Jesse rarely invaded people's personal space without a good reason.

 

Dina smirked, and Jesse rubbed his hands together much  like one of the bad guys from Ellie's comic books.

 

Whatever they wanted she was  _ positive _ that it would get her into some sort of trouble. 

 

“How should we put this..” Jesse stroked his chin.

 

“There's gonna be a jailbreak!” Dina offered.

 

“Yes that works. Thanks Di,” Jesse beamed “I mean, hypothetically somewhere in this town there could be a jailbreak.” 

 

“Yeah, yeah. Obviously we wouldn't know anything about it.” Dina put on an innocent face, Ellie scoffed.

 

“I’m not playing any of your games. Joel would kill me if he found out.” she almost shivered at the thought of being grounded.

 

Dina and Jesse shared a look, it was almost like they could have a silent conversation.

 

_ I told you she'd say no  _ Jesse's eyebrows furrowed.

 

_ Ok then, plan B  _ Dina insisted.

 

_ We don't have a plan B..  _ Jesse's eyebrows – if it was even possible– furrowed even more.

 

Dina rolled her eyes  _ maybe YOU don't, but I like to come prepared. _

 

“What is this some kind of staring contest or some shit? I'm right here you know.” Ellie piped up from in between the pair, still chewing today's mystery meat.

 

“Say, Ellie why don't you come with me for a sec.” Dina grabbed Ellie's hand and began walking/dragging the younger girl off to the notice board.

 

Dina pointed at Ellie's name, “you've got watchtower duty at 8 o'clock tonight” 

 

“Gee thanks, I hadn't noticed.” Ellie raised an eyebrow.

 

“You're welcome.” Dina ignored Ellie's sarcasm “Anyway, as Jesse was saying.. tonight there's gonna be a jailbreak. See, me and the guys are getting kind of stir crazy. So i thought it would be a good idea to go out to the lake houses about half a mile from here, a party, I guess. But keep it on the down low. We already know the area is clear, it’s perfectly safe.”

 

“You know we aren't supposed to be going outside the walls without permission. That's like, the first rule once you get here.” Ellie reminded Dina.

 

“huh. I didn't peg you as a goodie two-shoes, El.”

 

“I am  _ not  _ a goodie two shoes.” 

 

Dina raised an eyebrow, thinking this would work better than she planned. “Oh yeah? Well, I guess you'll just have to prove it to me then. Otherwise you'll always be goodie two shoes in my mind.”

 

Later, Ellie was sure she would be mad at herself for getting so worked up over being called a goodie two-shoes. But she knew that Riley would have easily accepted whatever task Dina was going to give her. Hell, Riley would probably have made the scheme  _ with _ Dina. So Ellie gave in.

 

“Fine. What do you need?”

 

Dina's smile was almost blinding “I knew you'd come around!” 

 

“Yeah whatever, don't make me regret it.” 

 

“On your watch, if you see us coming..” Dina's voice dropped dramatically low “I think it's best if you turn the other way, you catch my drift?” 

 

“That's it?” Ellie asked. It seemed simple enough, but she wasn't sure if she would get in trouble for 'not noticing’ a whole group of the older teenagers sneaking out.

 

“Yea, and hey, maybe if you're lucky I'll have a surprise for you when we get back.” Subconsciously, Ellie wondered if the older girl was an evil genius. She was scary good at manipulating.

 

Jesse was getting impatient and waved Dina over when she suddenly turned towards Ellie and kissed her on the cheek before walking back to her friend, “Thanks again for helping us out Ellie, I promise you won't regret it.”

 

Ellie stood by the notice board for a solid two minutes before responding to the girl who was already long gone.

 

“No problem, Dina” she mumbled.

 

~~~~~~~

 

As Jesse and Dina watched Ellie still standing by the notice board, Jesse asked.

 

“You think she'll really do it?” 

 

Dina had picked a blade of grass off the ground and was ripping it into tiny pieces “no doubt.” 

 

She stood “now, let's go round up the gang. I heard Logan's stash has been growing these past few months.” 

 

Jesse grinned “sounds like a plan.”

 

~~~~

 

By the time 8 o'clock rolled around, Ellie was feeling pretty proud of herself. She'd gone through the pros and cons of this little mission and,  (though there was lots of cons; infected attacking, raiders, getting lost, being found out and grounded) Ellie decided that this was a good way to get the other kids to respect and trust her, maybe even make some friends. Even though she'd been in Jackson for four months now, she only really talked to Joel, Tommy, Maria and the Dangerous Duo. Besides, Dina had looked so happy when Ellie had agreed to let them out, how could it go wrong?

 

She was mulling over this, when she noticed the small army of kids approaching. 

 

Most of them she didn't know the names of, but she saw Logan, Max, Chase and Kara that she recognized from the school. In front of the pack was Jesse, escorting them to freedom.

 

Ellie briefly wondered how many of these kids were born in Jackson, and how many had actually seen the horrible things that go on outside those walls. She was already second guessing her decision.

 

A small piece of the fence was lifted easily by Jesse and he ushered the rest of the group through. That couldn't be safe, infected or raiders could easily sneak through that same hole, but it's not like Ellie could just fix it right now. She'd remind Tommy about it later.

 

Soon enough the whole pack was through, leaving just Dina behind. She gave Ellie a thumbs up and winked before she too took off.

 

Ellie sat on her chair. Part of her wished that someone else had this watch so that she could go with them, but the other part didn't trust any of those kids enough to let her guard down out there.

 

She sighed. This was going to be a long wait.

 

~~~~~

 

The party was raging at the lake houses.

 

Dina and Jesse couldn't believe their luck. They'd always pulled stunts, but none of them were a drop in the bucket compared to this.

 

They'd successfully gotten 27 of the local teenagers aged 15 and up half a mile away from town, armed with booze and an old CD player, without being caught. All thanks to Ellie ( the duo had already made her an honorary member, though they were wondering what the trio name would be. Dangerous Duo was a pretty hard name to top)

 

Jesse huffed “you'd swear some of these guys have never seen a party before” he pointed at some of the shit-faced drunk kids stumbling around the small fire.

 

“Probably because most of them haven't seen a party before” she took another sip of the whiskey they'd stolen “hell, I haven't seen a party like this before”

 

Jesse laughed “cheers to that” they clicked their drinks together.

 

And that's when all hell broke loose.

 

Gunshots sounded off from seemingly everywhere at once. The noise had attracted a group of raiders.

 

Dina couldn't believe how stupid she was. She had forgotten that they lived in the most fucked up world in the universe. She had ignored the risk and now everyone's lives were in danger because she had wanted to get drunk and have some fun without her mom's eyes watching her the whole time.

 

All these thoughts flew through her head as she lay flat on the ground by an overturned log. Jesse was mirroring her.

 

They made eye contact.

 

_ We fucked up  _ seemed to be what they both were thinking.

 

~~~~~

 

Ellie had almost started drifting off, tonight was an especially boring night. Apparently not even the squirrels were out.

 

She yawned and stretched, her back popping in a very satisfying way. if only she could go back home and get one of her comics before anyone noticed she wasn't on watch anymore.

 

Then she heard a gunshot. Followed by another and another.

 

Ellie instantly paled. Grabbing for the radio kept for emergency calls only.

 

“Tommy, we've got gunshots at the west tower. I, uh, it could be nothing.. But get your ass down here anyway. And bring back up” 

 

“Got it.” The older man's voice came to her ears almost instantly.

 

As soon as Tommy's voice left the walkie talkie, Ellie saw a stampede of the kids she had watched leave the safety of Jackson less than an hour ago. Her eyes widened, and she checked through the scope of the rifle stationed at the watchtower.

 

Behind the group of teens was a couple raiders. Ellie was sort of surprised that out of the almost 30 kids out there, they hadn't been able to get rid of the 8 raiders shooting at them. She remembered all the times that she and Joel had taken out small armies, with just the two of them. Maybe that wasn't normal.

 

The sights of the scope lined up with the head of the raider closest to them, she exhaled as she pulled the trigger. Leaving a trail of blood to explode from the man's head.

 

Tommy, Joel, Jesse’s father and a few other people that Ellie recognized but didn't know the names of appeared at the gate, hurling it open.

 

“There's only 7 of them left!” Ellie yelled down to them, just as she picked off another, “make that 6!”

 

Joel was the first to head out, barreling headfirst towards the right where one of the men looked like he was going to turn and run the other way, but Joel had slit his throat before he could blink.

 

Tommy took the left side, firing off quick shots leaving two of the men falling.

 

Jesse’s dad and the rest of the backup were ushering the kids through the gate, and helping the ones who'd been injured.

 

Ellie popped off another and soon they were in the clear. All the raider had been taken care of.

 

Then she saw Jesse and Dina stumbling over the top of the hill, in all the chaos she had forgotten to check for those morons. Her scope followed them. 

 

It looked like Jesse was supporting Dina, but he was limping too and holding a hand over his left arm.

 

Ellie sighed in relief, at least they were alive. She didn't know what she would do if she accidentally got them killed.

 

A split second after thinking this, Ellie saw another raider running towards the pair.

 

There wasn't a clear shot, unless she tried to shoot in between Jesse and Dina's heads. Her hand trembled a bit.

 

_ There isn't time _ she told herself.

 

She hoped her aim was still as good as ever, and she pulled the trigger. 

 

Only when the raider stopped in his tracks and tumbled face down into the ground did she breathe.

 

Through the lens of her scope she could see Jesse and Dina’s shocked faces, Dina raised a hand to her ear and a slight trail of blood was left behind.

 

Jesse’s father made it to the pair and picked jesse up bridal style. Ellie would have laughed if she wasnt still freaking out about how close that had been.

 

With everyone checking in to the med bay, ellie finally relaxed. That is, until she heard the familiar footsteps of Joel. 

_ Damn that was fast. _ She had time to think before she was getting yelled at, in front of like everyone.

 

“What the hell were you thinking?!” 

 

Ellie, always good at digging herself into a bigger hole, chose to ignore him. Usually that would make him leave her alone. Not tonight though.

 

He grabbed her by the shoulder, turning her around. “You could've got someone killed, Ellie!”

 

She scoffed “you think i don't know that?”

 

“Clearly you don’t. If you did then you would never have allowed them to break the number one rule here in the first place.” 

 

“I didn't know, okay?! We cleared out that area last week! How was i supposed to know there would be anyone there?”

 

Joel rubbed in between his eyes, Ellie knew that this meant he was frustrated (though, that was already obvious).

 

“You know what it's like out there. Hell, we spent a year out there almost dying every day! How could you be so reckless and endanger all their lives?“

 

“I wasn't even the one who told those idiots to go out there.” ellie grumbled.

 

Joel furrowed his brow. Almost like he didn't expect this. “It was Dina and Jesse wasn't it?”

 

“If i say yes then will you leave me alone?”

 

“Hell no, you’re grounded for the rest of this month.”

 

“What?! you can’t ground me!” ellie  yelled. 

 

“I can and I will. Starting tommorow nothing but school and work for you.”  

 

“that’s bullshit! You said it yourself, you aren't even my dad. You can't ground me” she regretted that immediately, when she saw Joel's face go red. (maybe he was having a stroke, she briefly panicked)  

“maybe if you don’t leave the house till you’re 30 then you’ll develop some common sense.” joel turned to leave. “I’ll see you at the house.”

 

Ellie sighed and followed the older man. Mumbling something along the lines of “fucking Dina” and “never should have” and “stupid joel.” She knew this would happen. Now she was doomed for all eternity to be locked up in her stuffy room until she decomposes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> STAY TUNED FOR PART 2 of There's Gonna Be A Jailbreak  
> AKA :Ellie's grounded experience
> 
> (also if this chapter is poop its cuz i wrote it in computer class heheheh)


	4. Legos and Intruders

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ellie's experience being grounded. A week in captivity is alot worse in practice than she assumed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for taking so long!  
> Seriously it was exam season and school just hit me like a ton a bricks. I sort of whipped this together. If you can't tell I kept taking breaks and losing the "flow" if you will.  
> Not as good as I thought it'd turn out but whatever, hope you enjoy it. It's summer now so hopefully I'll be able to write more. No promises.
> 
> Happy reading, Ya Morons!

Needless to say, Ellie  _ hated  _ being grounded.

 

Retrospectively she knew that she never should have agreed to Dina and Jesse's scheme. They weren't called the dangerous duo for no reason. And this time had been an excellent display of that fact. Ellie only wished that they could have chose someone else to get tangled up in their plan (or, you know. Not get ambushed by hunters for once).

 

She rolled over onto her side, trying to get more comfortable. After five days of the painful punishment that is being locked up in her room, Ellie had come to the conclusion that there was no portion of her bed that  _ was  _ comfortable.

 

She mindlessly flipped the page on her savage starlight comic. She wasn't even reading it at this point, just examining the pictures. It did very little to quell her boredom.

 

_ Joel must be getting a kick out of this _ , she thought.

 

The older man knew very well that the one thing she hated more than clickers and brussel sprouts was sitting still for longer than 5 minutes. She blamed it on the military prep school, there was no such thing as breaks there.

 

If she listened closely she could hear Joel walking around downstairs, she was pretty sure that the only reason why he was still home was because he wanted to make sure that Ellie didn't leave. Which was stupid, because there really wasn't anything stopping her from going out the window. She had already considered it before, but she figured that was probably the worst way to get into Joel's good books again.

 

Ellie sighed and got up off her bed to rummage in the closet for something to do.

 

Her hand brushed against a dusty box. When she shook it she could hear some pieces moving around. 

 

_ “Fucking awesome. I already broke it _ .” She took the box over to her bed to dust it off.

 

The logo read  _ lego Rocketship 1000 pieces ages 13-99. _

 

_ “ _ Cool. Wonder if this thing still works.” Ellie ripped off a piece of tape that looked like it had already been opened before. To her surprise, there was a card inside.

 

_ Happy birthday Brandon! _

_ We're so proud of you kid, someday _

_ You'll reach for the stars! _

_ Love, mom and dad _

_ Xoxox _

 

Ellie read the card over a few times. She had heard of some other kids that celebrated birthdays back in the Boston Q.Z but she was an orphan and didn't even know when she was born. No one bothered to say happy birthday, let alone give her a card.

 

She wondered if Brandon was still alive right now, but she knew that he probably wasn't. For the millionth time in her life she wished that she could cure everyone, she still didn't know what happened back at the fireflies. But with Joel constantly avoiding the topic, she knew he wasn't telling the whole truth.

 

“I'm sorry Brandon.” She tucked the card back in the closet and went back to the Lego box.

 

A few plastic bags of small bricks fell out. “What the fuck?” A booklet with instructions soon followed “I have to build this shit? Why can't it just come in one piece? The old world was so weird.” 

 

Though she was confused about the old peoples ways, she started following the instructions in the book. After not too long she found that it was surprisingly fun to build this little rocketship. 

 

_ Tap tap tap.  _ Ellie glanced up briefly, and did a double take when she saw Dina sitting outside her window.

 

After a few moments of Ellie just staring at the other girl, trying to figure out if this was just a boredom induced hallucination when Dina made a gesture as if saying “ _ you gonna let me in?” _

 

Ellie sprang up from her little pile of Legos on the floor, stepping on one in the process. She stumbled around for a moment cursing as she opened the window to let Dina in.

 

Dina casually slid in the room, sauntering around like she owned the place.

 

Once Ellie recovered from the pain in her foot she looked at Dina a with a question in her eyes. 

 

“What?” Dina tried to act innocent.

 

“What are you doing here?” Ellie asked.

 

“Well, a pretty girl opened the window for me, and now I'm stuck in this crumby old room.”

 

Ellie opened and closed her mouth like a fish for a few moments. “Chill, El. I was bored, I haven't seen you around all week. I was starting to think Joel murdered you.”

 

“Right. Yea, uh. I'm grounded. And you- you should  _ not  _ be here. Joel will kill you and then me if he finds out you were here.”

 

“Well then I guess we will have to keep this quiet,” Dina winked.

 

Ellie rubbed in between her eyes, this girl would be the death of her.

 

“Why don't you just hang out with Jesse? You two are like, inseparable.” 

 

Dina frowned “yea… About that. His dad has banned him from hanging out with me. Thinks I'm a bad influence or something. I mean, if anything Jesse influences me. He’s a year older!” 

 

“Huh. Nope I would  _ never _ think of you as a bad influence. Never, seriously he must be crazy.” 

 

Dina rolled her eyes “ok fine, maybe that last stunt  _ was  _ a little overboard. But no one died, so that's a good thing right?”

 

“Jesse got shot. And so did a few others.” Ellie raised a brow.

 

Dina smirked “you know, you've got one hell of a shot, El. That hunter you shot from in between Jesse and I? Impressive shit.”

 

“Thanks… I guess” Ellie wasn't exactly proud of her ability to kill people. The praise felt odd.

 

“However, you may want to aim a little to the right next time.” Dina moved her hair that was covering her ear, to show a small scab that had formed on the edge of her ear.

 

“Oh please, that's barely a scratch.” 

 

“My beautiful face may never be the same.” Dina dramatically fell onto the bed. “So what are you up to?”

 

Ellie sat back down in her pile of Legos, and picked up the half built rocket ship to show to Dina.

 

“Found this in my closet.”

 

Dina smirked “you're playing with Legos?”

 

“Uh, obviously” 

 

“You're such a nerd.” Dina teased.

 

“Hey! What else was I supposed to do? I've been dying of boredom the past three days”

 

“Relax, Ellie. I never said being a nerd was a bad thing. It's cute.”

 

“Oh.” 

 

Ellie went back to building, and Dina watched her, occasionally pointing out to the pieces that Ellie was looking for. 

 

Dina quickly got bored of that though, and decided to poke around Ellie's room. She picked up the savage starlight comic that Ellie had been reading earlier. 

 

“You read comics too? You're a bigger nerd than I thought.” Ellie snorted.

 

“I doubt you've ever read a book in your life Dina.”

 

Dina looked offended “are you kidding? I read books all the time.”

 

“The books they assign in the English class don't count.”

 

Dina narrowed her eyes “okay you got me then. I read all the time when I'm forced to.” 

 

The two girls laughed. Then Ellie's eyes widened.

 

She could hear Joel coming up the stairs. There wasn't time to open the window and get Dina out without accidentally breaking her legs. She glanced at the closet behind Dina that was still open.

 

“Shhh!” Ellie hissed at Dina and shoved her into the dusty old closet, closing the door “Joel's coming up, so don't make a noise. Got it?” Dina nodded in affirmation.

 

Just as Joel opened the door, Ellie pretended that she was still reading her comic, unaware that she was holding it upside down. 

 

“Dinners ready kiddo.” He eyed the mess of Legos on the floor, probably wondering where the hell she got them if she didn't leave her room all day.

 

“I thought I heard voices up here.. Something you wanna tell me?”

 

Ellie's voice raised a few octaves as she lied “nope. I was uh, reading my comic out loud. I- I wanted to see if I could say their voices how I imagined. Yeah.”

 

Joel, who had noticed the comic she was holding upside down raised an eyebrow, as if he was thinking  _ sure.   _ He was turning to leave when-

 

**_SNEEZE!_ **

 

The sound very obviously came from the closet, and there was no way that Joel didn't know that— the man could hear clickers through brick walls.

 

Still, Ellie pretended to wipe her nose “wow! That was a big sneeze, huh? Kinda dusty in here, right Joel? Hah.” She sniffles for good measure.

 

“Uh huh. C'mon kid, the food is getting cold.” Ellie practically leapt off the bed, desperate to get Joel as far away from where Dina was currently hidden so the older girl could escape while they were gone.

 

\----

 

At the dinner table, Joel had prepared some rabbit stew. Ellie's stomach growled just looking at It.

 

She sat down quickly, and started wolfing down the food.

 

"So.." 

 

Ellie paused her eating to glance up at Joel. Normally he didn't start conversations, even after months in Jackson.

 

"I've been thinking—"

 

"That's new" Ellie quipped.

 

"Hmm. You're right. I guess I shouldn't un-ground you." He stroked his beard.

 

"No please!" Ellie almost dropped her fork "I'll do anything!" 

 

Joel smirked, if Ellie hadn't been looking at him so closely she would have missed it.

 

"Anything?" He repeated.

 

Ellie was already starting to regret her choice of words, but it was her only chance to escape the confines of her bedroom. "Yes, anything! Just let me leave this place!"

 

"Looks like I'll be having a lot of free time soon." Joel said, almost to himself.

"You can start by doing the dishes for once in your life."

 

Ellie groaned, “I have cleaned dishes before, you old fart.”

 

“you cleaned a plate once because you said you didn't want the Brussels sprout juice to infect your next meal”

 

“That's a very valid reason.”

 

Joel slid his empty bowl over to Ellie, who looked at him questioningly. She didn't appreciate the smug look he was currently wearing.

 

Ellie took the two bowls over to the sink (only a little aggressively), and washed them. Much to Joel's amazement, she didn't even put up a fight about it.

 

\----

 

It was almost an hour after that when Joel declared that he was going to Tommy’s for their poker night, and he made Ellie swear on her life that she wouldn't burn the house down while he was gone, to which she laughed and said ‘no promises’.

 

Ellie poked around the kitchen for a bit when Joel left, looking for a snack. Recently Maria had made a huge batch of cookies, and Ellie wasn't sure she had ever eaten anything that good in her entire life. When she found the cookie jar she took one, and then looked around the kitchen as if making sure there were no witnesses, and took the entire jar up to her room.

 

She opened the door to her room and nearly dropped the cookie jar when she saw dina lounging on her bed, comic in hand.

 

“Took you long enough” was all she said when she glanced over at Ellie.

 

“ Dina, what- Why are you still here?”

 

“Y’know i'm starting to get the impression that you don’t want me here at all”

 

“That's not what I meant, I just thought you’d leave while Joel interrogated me”

 

Dina laughed and sat up, tossing the comic aside.

 

"Not like I have anything better to do than wait for your slow ass all night."

 

Ellie rolled her eyes and dropped down onto the bed, the force of it nearly sending Dina flying. 

 

"Trust me, there's better things to do than stay in this room for any longer than you have to."

 

Dina shrugged. 

 

"What did Joel want?"

 

Ellie grinned "I'm not grounded anymore."

 

"What? Why didn't you say so right away?!"

 

"Dina I literally just told you I didn't think you'd still be here." Ellie reminded her

 

"Right, well—"

 

"-Dina." 

 

"We could do something else right?"

 

"I'm not leaving this room without telling Joel. It isn't even like officially official that I'm— where are you going?!" 

Dina was already outside of the window with Ellie standing by her bed now, still unwilling to leave and get in more trouble.

 

"Dina!"

 

The older girl simply jumped down to the yard below. Ellie poked her head out the window, glaring at her friend.

 

Dina smirked, it was almost like she could smell victory.

 

"You coming?" 

 

Ellie glanced towards the doorway to her bedroom. She looked back at Dina. She looked back to the door. 

 

She scribbled on a scrap piece of paper, and then she joined Dina out in the yard.

 

_ This girl was going to be the death of her. _

  
  
  
  


~~~~~~~~~~~

  
  


Joel came back home to a dark—  and as Ellie promised, not on fire —house.

 

The old man almost let himself relax for a moment. Then he remembered who he had 'not noticed' in Ellie's bedroom.

 

With a sigh, he began walking up the stairs to Ellie's room. Completely unsurprised to see that it was empty.

 

There was a note left on the window sill, in what Joel assumed was Ellie's handwriting. If you could call it that. Joel swears he's seen chickens with better handwriting.

 

_ Don't be mad. Dina kidnapped me, I had no choice. I'll be safe. _

 

  * __Brick Fucking Master__



 

  
  


Joel put the note in the trash bag, decided to pretend he never saw it. And went to bed.

 

_ This kid was gonna be the death of him. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Leave reviews if you wanna, leave prompts too if you wanna, I might do em.  
> Cuz thinking on my own is hard  
> *constipated face while I think of a single idea*
> 
> Ok that was weird, I'm sorry you had to read that.


End file.
